Having taken a vow not to write anything controversial on my blog after the verbal bashing I received after on one of my earlier posts. Since statements made and vows taken under the alcoholic influence are not legally recognized even by the Indian law I decided to make an exception for myself.
The reason for getting drunk this time (as if I care for one) as I sit alongside my best-friend-forlife Vinay and together mourning the demise of ONE MORE his youthful years as he turned 62 err 26 (oh tht was a copied joke with no copyrights)
Intoxicated and indulging ourselves with alcohol shot-after-shot we ended up going back a decade ago (well almost) and picked up the most sought-after dreadful mystery that has kept the 'MAN'kind guessing for decades & centuries together and still shows no sign of unraveling itself; well it came back to haunt us on that unfortunate evening.
“What goes on inside a women’s brains ?”
If not for the influence of the alcohol I would have yelled out loud
“NO !! NOT Again !! I need to rush home! I got to water my dog & feed the plants”
However I was helpless as i felt someone pulling me down holding back me on the chair (by the time I realized that the culprit was my new Deccan Chargers jersey that manged to knit itself into one of the rusty nails of the cosy chair it was too late)
If any of you are expecting a intriguing debate or discussion; well I am afraid I will have to end up disappointing you readers (if at all there are any) especially the female ones(I know some of you liked to be addressed as women or girls, excuse me but I am drunk), the fact that bitching was never on our agenda; Also let me clarify to my audience that I am no Chauvinist (atleast I think so) and my friend next to me respects women more than he respects himself; which unfortunately is a problem with his girlfriend (as I say this he whacks me on my head and asks me to focus on what I am supposed to say, I didn’t retaliate because he was drunk)
As he continued to live up to his reputation of being a ladies-man, a charmer, a sweet-talker (failing to realize all of that works only with women) I began losing losing my patience (whatever little I had); as he continued "There is nothing mysterious about women they are most simple human beings on this planet but are unfortunately perceived as the most complex ones thanks to dumb men like me" (mind u he was drunk); I wanted to instantly agree to his thoughts hoping that the topic would come to an abrupt end; not before my bloated ego had announced its arrival in grand style and didnt let me give into his stupid theories; for the next half-an-hour we ended up quoting numerous examples, stories, quotes, real-life incidents, authored books and tried to outsmart each other, Eventually resulting into a dud discussion which had to happen thanks to two oversmart men.
Meanwhile the alcohol levels started to supersede the water levels in the glasses as well as the blood levels inside, I began regaining the lost-confidence from the morning hangover, after yesterdays alcohol-fest.
It is a common sight to see two drunkards challenge each other and end up just blabbering trying to verbally outsmart each other; we made a conscious decision to leave all of them behind and spring into some action; my friend had decided to provoke (rather I decided its high time to get provoked or else it wouldn’t do any justice to the alcohol we gulped down) as he continued to demonstrate how simple & approachable women are…as he signaled me to turn 3 O’ Clock (meaning 45 degrees right in a ciphered the code language guys devised themselves to spot eye-candies (oh gosh how cheap of us to even address women in such derogatory terms, OMG I just gave out century-old secret of the astronomical clock men have been using to sight pretty women)
He pointed out towards a women sitting next to the table in a pink sweater branded “C K”; as i concentrated really hard to pay attention to the faint voices in the background, I figured out the ladies discussing about the 200USD sweater and the special wool used out of which the sweater was knitted.
As we signaled for the cheque oops bill err cheque; we realized that very much unlike the visa commercial we were contemplating on who would foot the bill even after working for MNCs and earning 5 figure salaries (big deal everybody does); we decided to resolve the issue as he threw a challenge asking me to strike up a conversation with a stranger female; which was in contrary to the opinion I had voiced moments ago. I would have never ever dared to even accept a challenge of that sort, but the fear of CreditCard wallas chasing me has engulfed me and I gathered courage held up my breath and walked up to the female and said.........
“Hi, Do you think Lok Sabha 2009 will be a coalition government?”
Poor girl was absolutely dumbstruck and regained her calm only to say “Try one more time” (how nice of her)
I turned back to my chair and stood up almost as if I had to give a retake; stood up walked past the table and ended up blurting out.....
“Do you think Obama’s economic stimulus bill will help the global economic crisis ?”
(and raised a eyebrow & almost as if to ask her if that was that intelligent enough ?)
C.K. answered "As if I care, right now I am bothered about someone bailing me out of my personal economic crisis"
By this time, clueless little miss CK was speculating if i was News Reporter or a VJ of some stupid show playing pranks on hapless people
Meanwhile I could figure out that my friend was having a laughter of a lifetime at my expense; but never ran out of tips; and this time suggested me to find “common or similar things” to strike up a conversation; it took me a couple of seconds to figured out that except for the time on our watches we had nothing in common.
I was in no mood to relent; and drew inspiration from those hundreds of bollywood movies and decide to pen down some pick up lines on the tissue paper; I wish I had access to google and ended up recollecting a few pick up lines (obviously not my own)
For someone so adorable, how can you be single? (fingers crossed I hope are you really single ?)
You are the kind of person people have to work up the guts to talk to (yeah I did I mean the alcohol did)
I know of a foolproof way for you to turn me into a prince... (well errr yeah….i guesss)
No Points for guessing the reactions i received (very obvious ones) I would refrain from publishing the responses to each of these pick up lines as my blogs are strictly against Non-Violence & use of language unacceptable to certain section of the audiences :D
It was only later I figured out that I was set up for this whole episode by my best friend and his long time colleague (no points for guessing); I really wanted to thank my friend for motivating me and thank Miss C.K (Calvin Klein) for being so approachable however I couldn’t really get in touch with her again thanks to the Orkut Privacy Settings and locked scrapbooks.
Meanwhile I still continue to draw attention to my Orkut Profile by clicking pictures with my neighbors red Ferrari and friends red karizma…hoping either I turn intelligent and smart one day…or hope that i come across someone who belongs to 20% category...
P.S: The content of this blog is definitely inspired and provoked and is purely fictional; Although intentional, it is not intended to hurt the feelings of people whom it is intended at; My Sincere apologies if I have gone overboard with the post as I tend to do sometimes.
13 comments:
Appreciate your attempts boy!
You have to actually get out there and practice more to get the real feel of how it works.
Go ahead and voice your questions with confidence. If a woman responds by saying “You’re a loser.” Dont lose hope.. that means you need practice. Try on Waitresses, maids,sales girls...
But let me warn you...the skill of approaching a girl is like Information Technology, keep yourself updated else you will be lost in the race.
Request Ms CK,she might be of help ;)
Seems like the pep-talk, hopeful and confident advices are coming out of quite some experience haan ?
Bingo !! I wish I was an American so that I could chase waitresses/maids; In these times of recession I know many people who would be more than willing to trade places.
As much as I would have loved to appreciate the logical connection between Girls & IT; I still wonder if IT in this case would mean Information Technology or Income Tax’d
Hmm, Little Ms CK not sure if she really wants to bail me out of trouble or push me further into it.
Must say...you still need lot of help in this case and take my sincere advise..next time..please come up with your own pick up lines(boozing doesn't help..trust me):)
Nice fiction man.
You are eligible to become a professional author to write fictions.
Hilarious :)
Getting drunk and doing ***chodi as real as sun,moon and stars but how about approaching a girl and asking her about elections and Obama- and hoping that you would have nice conversation after that--
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indeed this is a work of fiction!!
But raa.. hightime... u need to do this more.. kisis din koi to phasegi!!
naahh...dont doubt expert's advise.
Take the plunge,take the plunge
-kisi din koi to phasegi!!
interesting read harsh..i like this the best!
c'mon man.. i am disappointed that the argument only lasted till a week with a slow ration of comments :( and a high ration of hits on the blog with quite a lot of traffic...
Well sometimes its so good to be dumb rather than being the intelligent one .. aint it ? ;-)
I actually re-read this post before commenting and found the comments to be pure GYAN. People have certainly underestimated you that's why they are suggesting to go after softies (waitresses, sales girls).The comments are more B***hodi than the post itself.I don't know whether it's fiction or as real as the elements supporting life on earth but seriously you must look for better pick-up line next time. Elections talk as pick up line...cmon man take a break and go on a holiday... But whosoever says booze does not help ..please don't pass sweeping statements like that..cause I am sure their are lot of people who will make you change your opinion...I am just one of them
Thanks guys for the comments, I hope you guys keep coming back.
@Kaveri: yeah I know I need a lot of help, and at this moment you seem to be only person I can bank on :D thanks !!
@Naveen: Thanks buddy, Post May16th I am looking forward to co-author a blog with you. Something far more serious than all this.
@Ranjan: Thanks for once for believing that this is a story of fiction, yeah and I do appreciate your amazing censorship skills on the comments section; ;)
@Kranthi & @ Ranjan:
kisi din koi to phasegi!!
koi to ? :O
Thanks guys for making it so obvious that I am so so desperate !! :)
@Appu: Thanks ra, I will surely psyche out the budding psychologist one day;
@Sanny: yeah me too, early to give up on the “battle of wits, sarcasm and ridicule-ism”
But thanks to “your Fair Lady” we are going to take this further, hopefully :D
Sometimes ? well its always good to “Act” dumb; atleast nobody would give you a chance that way;
@Pankaj: Well I am sure you didn’t let go this opportunity of preaching we the lesser mortals; but yeah don’t take the comments real seriously. fiction or Not, I will let you do the guessing, but yeah I agree with the funda “booze does help as long as the other person doesn’t know you are drunk/stink” I certainly see subtle alcoholic undertones in the statement you made;
For sure I am seriously taking your advice of going on a holiday…thanks !!!
You and Sanny are always up to something crazy!!! Thats all i can say to this. But dont put down women saying we dunno whats happening in the present world
@Lekha... we err I can never put down women ...just that i never see them up :P
I thought people forget what they are doing when drunk! I wonder how you remembered the whole night! :D
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